A story that ended before it even begin.

This is for you.

It’s been quite a while since we stopped talking and I guess I just have to let all these feelings out. I like you. I like you so much. I like you more than usual. It’s puzzling how you actually made me fall for you in just that span of time. When you started talking to me every single day, chatting with me and all that, I already had a hint of admiration on you. And when we first saw each other in person, that determined that I really like you. I guess you have to know that I’ve had feelings for you since the moment I first met you.  I guess, you’ll always be that one person that will have an effect on me no matter what happened. You give me a different kind of feeling. Your mere presence excites me and I must say that this is extremely weird.

I almost had you.

You were the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. Your words are music to my ears. You are charming beyond words could ever describe. You made me feel so special and so appreciated. You made other girls extremely jealous. Everything you did made me fall for you. That smile of yours can brighten up even my most gloomy day. Even just a single stare could give butterflies in my stomach. Everything you did made me want you back. You became the reason why I wake up with excitement and why I sleep with a smile. You were the reason why waking up each day was filled with enthusiasm and it stopped appearing as a heavy task. You became the guy that turned my rock-hard heart around and made me want to fall in love again.

I lost you.

You were everything that I wanted and I almost had what I wanted. But I guess, almost is never enough, right? And I know it’s my fault why you’re gone. It’s my fault why you left. I pushed you away. I lost you when you still weren’t mine. I did the most stupid thing I could ever do. I labelled you as “just a friend”. I was taken aback by my feelings. When you said you love me, I was scared to admit that I also do because I was so scared to trust again. You know why I didn’t ask you? It’s because I was afraid you would judge me and summon me, just like what they did to me. I was afraid you would leave me hanging with a question I desperately needed the answers to. And I guess it’s the biggest regret I have right this very moment.

I should forget about you.

Since I already lost you, all I could ever do is to move forward. I was left with no other choice but to forget about you. I have to bury every ounce of feelings I have for you. After all, you just went away too easily without trying any harder, right? I wonder how you do it. I wonder how you can act as if every moment was completely nothing for you when it once meant my everything. You don’t know how hard it is to actually smile at you, to talk to you and to act as if everything’s perfectly fine with me when you’re around. You don’t know how every smile hides thousands of questions and millions of tears, this is why I think I should really forget about you. I should forget about you because I feel like I’m waiting for the day that will never come– the day the star will fall in love with the rock.

But even if you left,  I’d like to thank you for making me happy even in that short span of time. We may not have spent a lot of time together but the moments I’ve spent with you have made me extremely happier. Those moments I will treasure and remember forever. Goodbye, and I hope for your happiness.

And this is our story. A story that ended long before it even begin.

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Catherine is a 20-something BS Nutrition student of the University of the Philippines, but her heart screams for the art. She is a freelance creative and model, an artist and a writer, and an advocate of human rights and the environment.

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