The Deadly Sins of Falling In Love With Me

Try to fall in love with me.

I am not somebody with pearl-like skin and rosy cheeks. I have a lot of blemishes on my face. I have scars on my wrist which I had when I was young and naive. My cheeks don’t have that pinkish color, except for skin and only skin.

I don’t have the spaces between the legs of thin girls. I don’t fit any clothing you would hand to me. I have my fat in all the parts of my body, which makes me difficult to pass through narrow pathways, and fit the clothes I like.

I don’t have the irises that would constantly change color as I shift moods. Instead, I have these boring set of eyes with no special talents under a streak of sunlight. They blink really fast when I think and sometimes, they leave me staring on something without even knowing it.

My hands aren’t smooth. Instead, I have a pair of small and rough ones that almost sweat every now and then. The usual creases of palms doubled up on mine. I avoid holding someone, afraid that they would comment about my rough and sweaty palms.

I am short, so short that I could be an elementary student. I envy those girls with beautiful long legs that could fit almost any pair of jeans. They don’t have to fold the ends for them to be comfortable.

With my features, I couldn’t steal attention unlike those who just walk through a sea of people and stare and glances would be the only thing people would do to them. I am not that somebody. I am nowhere near to that.

I am miserable and pathetic, because sadness has scrubbed my skin and pulled my soul free. It wrapped itself around me and suffocated me, forcing me to live my life with it as my skin.

I am selfish to the bone. I like keeping people to myself only. I don’t want them to leave and say goodbye. I want them to stay right here beside me and be stuck in time. I don’t want them to move on and forget about my existence. I want them to remember me.

My heart is greedy for love. I want love to be placed on my plate and I shall feast myself with it like an animal who experienced famine for a while. I want it to be inside me and the love I ate would be my heart, and it would pound and pound and pound.

Shadows lull me to sleep, and they hug me at night. They sing songs about death and darkness. They seduce me to want to be with them and be like them. I don’t listen well. I just let them be beside me. I let them envelope me in their arms with my sadness wrapping my soul. 

This is what you fall in love with.

I dare you to try it.

Try it with me.


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Catherine is a 20-something BS Nutrition student of the University of the Philippines, but her heart screams for the art. She is a freelance creative and model, an artist and a writer, and an advocate of human rights and the environment.

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